Our Lady of Sorrows: Why Did God Permit Her Dolours?
"if God loved Mary so completely, why did He allow her to suffer so much?"
It's a question almost every thoughtful reader of Marian devotion runs into eventually: if God loved Mary so completely, why did He allow her to suffer so much? She was sinless. She had no sins of her own to atone for. Her tears added nothing that was strictly necessary to the redemption already won by Christ's Precious Blood. So why the sorrow at all?
Frederick William Faber tackles this question head-on in The Foot of the Cross; or, The Sorrows of Mary, and his answer is one of the most thought-provoking sections in the whole book. It's essential reading for anyone trying to understand the theology behind Our Lady of Sorrows — and it sets the stage for everything Faber later says about the Seven Sorrows of Our Lady. Let's walk through his reasoning.
Is It Even Reverent to Ask "Why"?
Faber begins by addressing an objection before it's even raised: isn't it a bit presumptuous to question why God allowed His own Mother to suffer? His answer is a firm no. "All things are reverent which are done in love," he writes. We're not enquiring "as if we were calling God to account," Faber insists, but "in order that we may gain fresh knowledge to mint into fresh love" (Faber, The Foot of the Cross, Ch. I, "Why God Permitted Our Lady's Dolours"). In other words, asking the question isn't doubt — it's a form of love trying to understand its object more deeply.
5 Reasons Faber Gives for Why God Permitted Our Lady's Dolours
With that groundwork laid, Faber moves through several distinct reasons, building one on top of another. Here's a breakdown of each.
1. Because of the Intimate Bond of Love Between Jesus and Mary
Faber's first reason is almost relational rather than legal. Since Mary was bound to Christ by the deepest possible union, the "law" of suffering that governed His Thirty-Three Years on earth had to govern hers as well. As he puts it, "the same law which lies round Him must also lie round her." To be separated from that pattern of suffering, Faber argues, would have reduced Mary to "a mere instrument rather than a Mother" — someone standing apart from Christ's story rather than woven into it.
2. An "Unsuffering Mother" Would Contradict a Suffering Christ
This reason follows naturally from the first. Faber points out that Jesus chose to become passible — capable of suffering — when He took on human flesh. Given that choice, an unsuffering Mother simply wouldn't fit. In his words, "an impassible Incarnation would have brought in its train an unsuffering Mother; but the passible Babe of Bethlehem has swathed His Mother in the same bands of suffering which compass Himself." Faber even calls the depth of her martyrdom "the perfection of His filial piety" — meaning it was, in its own way, an expression of how completely Jesus honored His Mother by including her fully in His mission.
3. To Increase Her Merits and Prepare Her for Glory
Faber's third reason moves into the logic of merit and reward. He argues that suffering, borne well, is uniquely powerful for increasing merit — "nowhere has the force of merit such velocity as in suffering." Since Mary's heavenly exaltation had to be built on her merits, and "her merits must be acquired by lifelong suffering," her dolours become the very foundation of her glory.
Faber puts this beautifully when he writes that "grace is glory in exile, while glory is only grace at home." Her suffering wasn't separate from her reward — it was the seed of it. He even suggests that "the buoyancy of the Assumption was due to the bitterness of the Compassion," meaning her later glory in heaven was directly rooted in what she endured on earth.
4. For the Greater Glory of God
Faber's fourth reason turns toward God's own glory rather than Mary's reward. He argues that a creature's truest happiness lies in contributing to God's glory — and that Mary's dolours were permitted precisely "in order that God might receive from her more glory than from any other creature whatsoever." At the foot of the Cross, Faber notes, Mary was effectively "the world's worship" — offering God the adoration that the rest of a hostile or indifferent world was failing to offer at that very moment.
5. So She Could Become the Mother of Consolation
This last reason is arguably the most tender, and it connects Mary's sorrow directly back to us. Faber argues that in order for Mary to become a genuine comforter of the afflicted, she needed to personally experience the full range of human sorrow — everything, that is, except sin itself. As he writes, she had to "fathom them all, and experience them in her own self," so that she could truly understand "the kind of misery which each brings along with it," and know exactly "what soothes and alleviates our suffering."
Faber illustrates this with a striking image: a moonlit sea is beautiful precisely because of the way light plays across dark water. In the same way, he suggests, Mary's compassion casts a softening light across "the weary expanse of life's successive cares." Her sorrow, in other words, wasn't just about her own relationship with Christ — it equipped her to be genuinely present to ours.
Why These Reasons Matter Together
None of these five reasons stand alone in Faber's argument — they build on each other. Because Mary was united to Christ in love, she had to share His pattern of suffering. Because she shared His suffering, she could merit greater glory. Because her suffering glorified God so completely, and because it gave her firsthand knowledge of every human sorrow, she became uniquely equipped to be exactly what the title "Our Lady of Sorrows" suggests: not just a woman who suffered, but a mother who understands suffering from the inside.
How This Connects to the Seven Sorrows of Our Lady
Faber's reflections here form the theological backbone for the seven specific sorrowful events that make up the Seven Sorrows of Our Lady:
The Prophecy of St. Simeon
The Flight into Egypt
The Three Days' Loss of Jesus in the Temple
Meeting Jesus Carrying the Cross
The Crucifixion
The Taking Down from the Cross
The Burial of Jesus
Each of these seven moments can be read as a concrete instance of the five reasons above at work — Mary living out her union with Christ, increasing in merit, glorifying God, and being prepared, sorrow by sorrow, to become the comforter of every mourning heart that would ever turn to her.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Understanding why God permitted Mary's dolours changes how you approach the devotion itself. It's not simply a devotion built around sadness — it's built around a Mother whose sorrow was purposeful, fruitful, and ultimately turned outward toward us. If this has given you a new appreciation for Our Lady of Sorrows, it's well worth exploring the devotional practices that have grown up around her Seven Sorrows over the centuries, including the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows and her feast day in the Church's calendar.
FAQ: Why God Permitted Our Lady's Dolours
Is it disrespectful to ask why God allowed Mary to suffer? No — Faber argues the opposite. He says any question asked in love is reverent, and that asking "why" is a way of deepening our love and understanding rather than doubting God.
What is the main reason Faber gives for Mary's suffering? He gives several interconnected reasons: her intimate union with the suffering Christ, the fittingness of a suffering Mother for a suffering Son, the increase of her merits, the greater glory it gave to God, and her preparation to become the Mother of Consolation for all who suffer.
Did Mary's suffering add anything necessary to redemption? No — Faber is clear that redemption was accomplished entirely and sufficiently through Christ's Precious Blood. Mary's sorrows served other purposes: her own merit, God's glory, and her role as comforter of the afflicted.
What does "grace is glory in exile" mean? It's Faber's way of saying that grace and glory aren't separate realities — grace lived out faithfully on earth, especially through suffering, is what blossoms into glory in heaven. Mary's earthly Compassion was the seed of her heavenly Assumption.
How does Mary's suffering make her the "Mother of Consolation"? Faber argues she had to personally experience every kind of human sorrow (except sin) in order to truly understand what each type of suffering feels like and what comforts it — making her uniquely equipped to console those who grieve.
How does this connect to the Seven Sorrows of Our Lady? These five reasons form the theological foundation Faber builds before walking through the seven specific sorrowful events — from Simeon's Prophecy to the Burial of Jesus — each one an example of these purposes at work.
Key Sources
Faber, Frederick William. The Foot of the Cross; or, The Sorrows of Mary. London: Thomas Richardson and Son, 1858. Chapter I, "The Martyrdom of Mary," Section II, "Why God Permitted Our Lady's Dolours."
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